Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize