the only muscles i have these days is kegels
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
