a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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