My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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