I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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