After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
