i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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