if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
