you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
