The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
