My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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