dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
