I have demons in me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
