I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Drake has all the answers
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
