I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
