She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i am craving dick and cupcakes
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
