Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
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