i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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