Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
