I could make wine with my vomit
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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