My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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