DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
