I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
