Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
