Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
