Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
