I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
