I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
