Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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