i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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