OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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