he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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