haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize