the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
