I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
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There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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