Whod you bang
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
