I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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