batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
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just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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