I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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