what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
