I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
