We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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