Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
