if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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