I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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