This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
