I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
