I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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