Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
