I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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