I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
