you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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