k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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