there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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