If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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