do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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