man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
