I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You can't just leave with hair like that
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
