I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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